So first things first. It's been a bit longer than I'd've hoped, but I'm here now...
Second thoughts have been running through my mind about events of late, and I'd just like to clarify my thoughts so people know where I'm coming from.
So first off, I have how I've been feeling. Oh my god can I not make up my mind... I swear I've gone manic-depressive or something because for the past few weeks, I have done nothing but cry and laugh and lose my god damned mind over everything I've been a part of. I just start to think about my life and I just slip away. Because of this, I've taken my reclusiveness and multiplied it by like 100. I also think this has caused or is caused by my inability to sleep regularly. I'm only getting like 4 hours every night, and it makes me worry because I'ms o used to sleeping for 8-10 hours or more... But going back to this depression at random times, I'd just like to add that, although, I'll probably never do it, I've had flashes of how I'd kill myself. I even wrote a poem about jumping. But you need not worry about me because I doubt I could actually bring myself to die because I really wanna be a robot and shit hasn't happened yet.
I play on a Minecraft server. It's the SoFurry Minecraft server, and I love it. It's fun and everyone who plays it is super awesome (except for a few that make me want to shoot my foot off, but even they can't seem to ruin my day). But lately, some of the people I like on there have been fighting, and it creates unneeded conflict in an environment I go to RELAX. I'm also kinda sad because I really wanna be on the staff so I can help people out, but I haven't heard a single thing from anyone about it, so I kinda just sit here cringing, trying not to think of the worst case (again). But it's whatever really because... It's not whatever, but whatever because I dunno... MOVING ON
Linkin Park's new album, The Hunting Party isn't as garbage as I claimed. I knew it'd happen eventually, but I'm FINALLY starting to appreciate the new album. It came out a while ago, and I wrote a review on my initial reaction, but I have to say, I'm starting to like it for what it is. It's definitely just another rock album as much as I hate to say it, but it's still good. It kinda has the feeling behind some of Rise Against and what little I like from Foo Fighters, and mixes it together with the Linkin Park I love. It sounds good after like the fifth time you listen to it, and there are definitely songs that helped me transition into it (mainly Wastelands because that shit is hype). So. The Hunting Party ranks a 4 out of 5 on the level of enjoyment, and I'd say it's about as good as Living Things (though not comparatively. They're two different sounds, but the level of enjoyment is about the same).
Other things in my life include...
Not going to conventions.
Not liking my family.
Fluctuating weight withing a 10lbs range.
Hating myself for being bad at dieting.
Lot's of- ... Actually, Imma leave this one out because I forgot that personal life is personal.
XBOX 360 is stiiiiilllllll broken.
Suspicious of my parents becau- Damn it. Forgot about personal life thing...
Being jealous of most of my friends.
Hating stupid people which there is an abundance of in this school.
Thinking about drawing stuff, but then realizing I have not the motivation to do so.
Hating myself in general for no raisins at all.
Hating my ability to remember things... Or really a lack there of...
So, yeah. I'm kinda torn between myself, and it hurts because as much as I love, I have even more pent up loathing crawling under my skin like a zit about to burst. So if I seem a bit distant, it's because I'm not in the best condition, and it's PROBABLY not your fault. I just don't have that good of an ability to care about you. I still appreciate it when people share shit with me... Which seems to be never... Imma stop writing now because I just realized that I'm not very tight in my circle of friends, but more an honorary member of sorts that everyone acknowledges as a cool person, but is kinda also the person they can easily keep secrets from so they do. I don't mind because I'm not as stupid as people think and I probably do know what's going on (Insert friend name here), but I'm not ganna say anything about (insert event) because, as I said, I honestly don't care. Congrats by the way (friend) I knew it'd happen eventually.
Also, Imma post this to FurAffinity too, so don't worry.
thanks for reading my ridiculously long post, just had to vent or something because FUCK ME SIDEWAYS I hate and love everything I do. Now go dedicate into a puddle of orphan semen you over appreciated troglodyte
Um? Yeah, thanks...
P.S. My sister got me this cool silver police box necklace that I actually really like, and it made me question my entire opinion of her until I remembered that she didn't know what a Grape Fruit was and she thought that werewolves were real things. So, as much as I love this necklace, you're still a stupid cunt Mikala. Butatleastyoudidn'tgetmesomethingfuckingdumbsothanksforthat. lol wut? I think I've lost sight of what I was doing... oh well...
P.S. (Part 2) There's a link in there somewhere if you missed it. It's hidden by as a hyper link, so seriously, read that shit. I recommend clicking on the insult thing... ANYWHORE, Imma go now...